What the Back of Your Truck Says About You

I’m a big fan of trucks. I don’t own one, but I really love people that do. Like my Dad. Dad is my master hauler. My home, inside and out, tends to produce loads of junk often. And a simple text message gets him to come over and take away my stuff to a place I’ll never see it again. Surely, if you don’t own a truck, you know a truck guy. And truck guy knows that any minute he’ll be asked for a favor, not necessarily because of his skill or his know-how or his brawn, but simply because he owns a machine that can move crap. Truck owner, we salute you.

badboypeeingfordcolorWithin the truck owner universe, there is a segment that takes great pride in either something about their truck or something about themselves. Either way, it often shows up in the form of a faddish, back window decal. One prime example is the famous urinating Calvin cartoon. What started as a simple statement of disdain for a particular NASCAR driver or truck brand evolved into a wide world of Calvin mischievously whizzing on just about anything, from gun control to mean people to city boys.

Now we don’t see those things at all. (At least in the city, where for all I know I’m just one of the naive boys being peed on.) I suspect one day some guy looked at his truck and thought, “maybe a picture on my ride of a boy peeing is not sending the best message about myself.” And if he thought that, he would be right. We can’t help but see a Calvin-whiz sticker without thinking its truck is being driven by a redneck.

07cac6b4c5c7524c8ea1db11dc35940fToday the truck guy decal-du-jour is the profile of a game animal. It’s a very simple and subtle symbol, but it essentially tells me that there is a particular something that you guys like to kill. A little odd, right? I mean, I’m so glad to know you have an affinity for shooting deer. For awhile there I was worried you may be one of those pansy duck-shooting types, but now I know venison is the noble quarry you covet.

The other day I saw a truck with all three decals; the buck, the duck and the fish. Is there any animal this man won’t kill? Seriously dude, what beasts are you terminating that they just haven’t made a truck sticker for yet? I can’t help but make these assumptions. The four seasons in this man’s life are deer, duck, fishing and quail. It seems if there is something legal to kill then by golly it’s your duty to do it. Not only if it flies it dies, but if it’s allowed, KA-POW! Catchy.

Do you own a game animal decal or seven? Are you mad at me? Are you polishing your 12-gauge and pretending I’m a duck in plain view sleeping on a lily pad? OK, I’m done mocking you. Let’s be friends again.

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