13 Extremely Tame Thrills

04KJER0243Are you a thrill seeker? I’m not. Well, at least I don’t find thrilling what stereotypical “thrill seekers” might. You may find my ideas are just a little less extreme than yours.

Some of you are thrilled to water ski. That’s wonderful. My thrill comes after I’m invited to water ski but get a reprieve when the boat motor dies.

Others are thrilled to watch a horror movie. I’m thrilled to watch a documentary in which I learn something new about seeds.

Oh, bungee jumping is thrilling, right? Nothing like jumping freely off a bridge into a canyon below. Unless you’re me, and simply driving over said bridge arouses an array of goose pimples. Thrilling!

Few things produce the thrill of driving a fast car. Woo! That’s okay though, I’m thrilled to watch those clowns get pulled over for speeding. Thank you, Mr. Officer!

Many love the thrill of placing a big bet. Carson, can you imagine the payout with those odds? I can imagine a dragon swooping down and incinerating my wallet, no less crazy then you winning and the effectively the same result as you losing.

Let’s go whitewater rafting! What a thrill! No, that’s all right. You go. I’ll splash a little water over my face, take some real deep breaths and experience the joys of not drowning.

Hey Carson, how about base jumping? Hey, how about belly flopping straight into hell? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee damnation.

Perhaps the ultimate thrill is sky diving. But isn’t a huge part of that thrill not dying? If the thrill is attached to not dying, I gotta say it’s not a big thrill for me. I am thrilled to have the prospect of being alive for the next five minutes. I am thrilled to drink a glass of lemonade and jump off a hammock. I am thrilled to sit on a soft chair and watch beetles mate. I am thrilled to wade around in a baby pool and maintain complete consciousness.

I am thrilled to not seek thrills.


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