What Super-Creepy Rob Lowe Reveals About Us

directv-creepy-rob-lowe-large-3By now everyone has seen the Direct TV commercials featuring Rob Lowe with a humorous, debased version of himself. The first ones to air featured “super-creepy Rob Lowe”— a leather-clad, unkempt derelict who has cable. While the commercials are indeed hilarious, they frightfully reveal the very slim distance of looking put-together and handsome and looking like the dregs of society. Let’s be honest, Rob Lowe is about as handsome as they get. He is a better version of Ken the Barbie Doll. But with a little makeup and wardrobe change, he looks like the kind of guy who goes to the rec center with binoculars to “watch folks swim.”

Is it not scary how close we all are to being a creepy version of ourselves? It really wouldn’t take very much for me. For starters, I’m not immune to bad clothes. I have bad pants, shirts and jackets as part of my wardrobe right now. They don’t surface often, but if we get slack on the wash around here they could easily find their way on to my person. Suddenly I’m out in my front yard with worn-out sweat pants, a crumply V-neck and a hat with a regrettable label. In no time the neighbors are shooing their cats in and closing their blinds while my property value plummets.

But even if my wardrobe remained tight, my facial hair alone could propel me to instant creepy status. If I gave Movember a go you would understand this. I don’t grow a formidable, bushy mustache but more of a sad whisker village whose few residents live way too far apart from one another. Simply living in a society replete with razors drastically reduces creeper prevalence. We can all be grateful this Thanksgiving for the blade that finds my upper lip region.

Truly though, we can be completely polished with dapper attire and impeccable grooming but if our voice and tone are whacky, people will step away. All it takes is a bad cold. Either your throat gets all deep and raspy and you sound like you’re due for another sneaky smoke break, or you lose your voice and speak in little whispers like everything you’re saying is some grand secret. Either way, you’ll be viewed unfavorably and likely suspected of creeperdom.

So the next time you laugh at the Rob Lowe Direct TV commercials, take heed to keep your stuff tight because you’re not as far as you think from becoming your own doppelcreeper.

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