The Death of the Staple Remover (and Other Office Supplies)

milton1The other day I looked at my desk at work and couldn’t believe how many items I have that I never use. The digital age has squelched my need for standard office supplies. Let me introduce you to some of my lonely friends.

First, here is my stapler family. At one time perhaps, having multiple staplers was a good idea. You’d never know when your exhausted stapler would give out and you’d need a reinforcement in a jiffy. But now my staplers are so seldom used it’s hard to find them behind the more-oft-used paperweight and peanut can.

Basically, if the need for stapling ever arises, I am beyond ready. Similar to a doomsday prepper, I’m just waiting for the day where all hell breaks loose and I have to put together 7,000 presentation packets in 30 minutes. And just in case the stapling goes awry, I have staple removers. That’s right, plural. That way if I’ve been removing so many staples that my first staple remover gives out, I can use the other one to remove my jugular. Truly, as far as staples go, I might use 20 a year. But just to be safe, I have millions at the ready. You know that box that is so stuffed full of staple bunches that you can hardly close it? Well I have three of those. So if I ever have to go to war in my office, I have a Rambo-worthy cache of ammunition.

Next, here are my two-inch binder clips. I suppose I could use them if I had hundreds of sheets of paper that needed conjoining, but these clips are more likely to serve as clamps to hold my aortic valve in place after the stapling fiasco.

Here’s my Scotch tape and dispenser, collecting dust. I’m concerned a decade of neglect might have an effect on its adhesion. Taping something in the office is so absolutely random. About the only use I can think of is posting a flyer no one reads. So, useless.

Oh look, this is my bottle of WhiteOut. I’ll have to remember to use that today to stay stealthy when I don’t want someone to see that I messed up my own signature. Let’s just hope this once vibrant liquid has not morphed into the worthless goop I’m expecting.

And let’s not forget the tub of tacks I could use for my cube wall. Who am I kidding though? Only a lady with 700 cats could find enough pictures to pin up and empty that tub.

Finally, here is my rubber band tray. Every few years, I actually pick them up ensure they have not become brittle. Honestly, I can’t even remember what we used these things for so I can make a joke about them.

Well, there are my office friends. If I forgot any of them, well, that’d be no surprise.

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